what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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