did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
These tits shall not be calmed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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