if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
