Your dad touched me again.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
