I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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