He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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