Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
