got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
