i need an iv and a liver transplant
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
