I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
did i just pee glitter
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
