I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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