FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
