so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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