Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
