Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
