When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
