There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
