Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
