I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
