Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
