omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
