Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
