the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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