I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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