im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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