eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
