Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize