Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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