4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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