idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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