Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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