sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
