is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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