Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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