That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
