whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
