Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
