What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
