you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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