My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize