oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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