Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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