Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
