she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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