Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
