she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
