he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
