I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
