My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
