Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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