U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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