oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
