i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
