I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
