I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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