two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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