I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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