You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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