You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
