Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
