I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
