Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
