please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
