matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
