Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
