i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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