I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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