dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
