Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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