the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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