I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
