I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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