Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
