So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
